It’s not what you speak but what others hear.

During my 2 year stay in US, unconsciously I had picked certain words / idioms which were often used in the business context to convey things without any ambiguity. I had shared my apartment with my friends /colleagues; we often tend to use the same vocabulary in our home also to communicate. After reaching India, during my initial days I continued using the same business vocabulary, after all man is a creature of his/her habit. Little did I realize I was upsetting my parents especially with my communication style. My parents and other family elders assumed I had a tectonic shift in my attitude. They were really beginning to worry about my lack of respect to elders and customs (certainly not my intention).

Before my US stint I was known among my circle for giving respect to elders and old customs. Meanwhile I was enjoying the warmth, the food of being at home, all the while being ignorant of the fact everyone around me were bit upset. I always have the greatest regard and respect to all the elders and our traditional custom. Parents and friends being people who loves us no matter how we evolve into, all of them made the internal adjustment to accommodate the new ‘me’. No one had a word with me about this regard, since I fitted perfectly like ‘T’ to their exiting theme of ‘US returned Indian’. Back in office however things weren’t that rosy. I couldn’t convey my message nor get the work done with people, who have been working with me for quite a long time. Slowly on a personnel level introspection I was beginning to wonder may be there is something wrong in the way I am saying things, or may be people have grown much beyond I have comprehended. I was determined to dig to the root of this problem.

I had lots of questions revolving in my mind like ‘What could be wrong’… ‘What is the missing gap’..’Is it with me or with others?’ The gap can be with either of the side, but the onus was on me to fix it, since something was certainly broken. But I didn’t know what was broken. Consciously I began to monitor the choice of words I used to converse with my colleagues and friends. Analyzing the cause and effect reaction of my fellow people for the various choice of word I used during conversation, like a scientist prodding over his analytical data, trying to arrive at a generalization. Finally during one of my bike riding session, with the chilly wind thrusting my face backwards, and the beads of sweat getting frozen and forming a salty layer in my face, the eureka moment arrived. It’s not only that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder the meaning of the English words also lies in the ears of the listener. I can hear the tiny voice inside my readers mind asking the question, “How in the hell can the meaning of the English words change from listener to listener?” It can, hold on just a little longer my dear tiny friend.

For most of the non native speakers of English (for that matter any language), every word has a connotation or a mental image associated with it, irrespective of the literal meaning of the word. During any conversation with another human being it’s this connotation or perception about words that tends to channelize our understanding of the spoken word rather than the literal meaning of the words. So it’s easily provides a lot of opportunity for others to misunderstand you especially when we have to communicate with people coming from different backgrounds, culture, age etc.  That it is important to realize “It’s not what you speak, but what others hear”. No one can question the perception of another person because there is no definite way to approve / deny one’s perception. Perceptions are formed based on an individual’s experience or exposure with the outside world. Unless you don’t share a common platform with the listener the chances of you being misunderstood is highly probable. So is there a no way out for this precarious situation. Don’t loose hope. There is a way out. The best way forward while interacting with people with whom you don’t share a common ground / pedigree is to be smart enough to choose very simple words to get our message across. Don’t use any high flying, Ivy League words in short words which requires the common man to reach out to the nearest dictionary or do a quick Google search.

 As a speaker if your vocabulary is quite simple and plain the chances of you getting your message across effectively without any distortion is pretty high.  The onus is on the speaker and not on the listener since the real purpose of communication is to effectively transfer the ideas from one individual to another person. In today’s knowledge world the customer is the king, similarly in the communication universe it’s the listener who is the king and not the speaker. The speaker is relevant only when he/she has listeners not the other way round.